Pages

Thursday, April 9, 2020

Corona Beauty Tips to stop looking like a date Raped Frida Kahlo

I don't know about you, my contemporary creme de la cremes, graduates of elite universities that you smuggled your way into without photoshopping yourself rocking the coxen position as this is lesbian- and are now moronic executives at non for non profits that serve great amuse bouches and have board members that have blown up countries. Chic Cest La Vie Cest bon Cest Bon- But I really look heinous. And worse than usual.

I have not had my Botox by Groupon teeth whitening by Dr Apa Barrys Bootcamp, hair trim Frederik Fakiki vagina wax vagina tightening eyebrow thread slutty bridge and tunnel French manicure with a side of a dirty green tea footscrub in like 50 days, and I only spend money on this instead of my Roth IRA because the return is better and Im an instant orgasm gratification kinda skank.

I would say this look is reminiscent of a date raped Frida Kahlo and frankly Im alarmed.

No matter how Rich or how poor  I think I am I have always relied on  bulimia la mer squats rough sex salad nicoise  cigarettes the New York post and large marinate Olsen Starbucks coffee as the key ingredients to the fountain of youth and intelligence,
but alas without several of these ingredients whats a lazy well bred alcoholic with light stalker tendencies and a penchant for child porn to do?

I have done all of these and am looking better let me know your thoughts

-mash avacado and jizz all over public hair
-shave eyebrows with thin razor
-set fire to your split ends
-tape your face with packing tape for botox
-ice your nipples and eyes with vodka or ice cubes for an awake look
- use hemmoroid cream as moisturizer

No comments:

Post a Comment