Which Real Housewife are you?

I am all about the Real Housewives of Wealthy Cities? Why Because it showcases in the purest form of this generations artistic expression in the medium of reality TV, that it is not only accepted but encouraged to pursue living a life of the ultimate luxury and excess, still want more and in the end, be about family. Beautiful.


What is your Drug of Choice?
Pinot
Cocaine
Adderall
God

What do you value Most in a significant other
Money/ Good Tennis Player
Money/ In Hollywood
Money/ Potential Mafia Ties
Money/ Potential Inside Trading and Heavily Sleazy

What is your hashtag Career
Skincare slash alcohol empire
Child Star slash alcoholic
Stripper Child Kidnapper Model
Autistic Television Personality

What is an important child rearing Tactic
Never See your Children
Smother your children until  they morph into you
Whore out your children
Jesus and Money first

A. Ramona
B. Kim Richards
C. Danielle Staub
D. Alexis

Inside trading and bong hits

In my quest to pursue my private investigation sauteed in not really having a meaningful employment so that I can spend time actively pursuing my most meaningful quest of becoming a creme de la creme socialite, it became clear that I needed a new man.
Divorced
Wealthy
Father
Asbergers
Ties to inside Trading
Enjoys the occasional marjuana
Doesnt care about sex that much since I am not a fan of doing any real work

Ive been busy trying to hang myself

But I couldnt find a swanky diamond encrusted noose and I do indeed want to see if Abu Nassir is caught, so my impending glamourous suicide is put on hold- for the time being. I also havent formulated my proper suicide to the point where the language deeply affects every person in my life and makes them realize how much sadder their life is when I am no longer in it.

I decided to take a break from writing, the longest break I took from writing since 2010 and focus on what I do best, finding better drug dealers and trying on bras for my maid. Alas, not much has changed and I realized, that when I write I do feel better, and it makes me feel better to share with my contemporaries indeed how much I enjoy dry humping with low tier bank analysts

On this election Day I am officially undecided

On whether I should stock my new yacht with Origins or Kiehls bath Products.

On whether I will hang myself from the master bedroom or powder room when I run out of money

On if it was a worthwhile investment spending my junior year abroad in Florence when all I can say is Adesso Dove la Cocaine and that the sculpture of David will always be hilarious. The rest of my italian comes from My Dad. Che vediamo domani mattino.

On if I should go to a yoga class or give a blow job to my accountant

On if I should use miles for Pret A Porter Fashion week or save them for my next Beverly Hills Vegas Bender and pat myself on the back by playing blackjacks under my Russian Alias

On whether I should use french Laxatives or epsom salts to undigest my Dom Perignon and saltine crackers with almond butter

On in my remake of Romeo and Juliet that I am co reproducing with Baz Luhrmann if I should cast Brother as Romeo and Sister as Juliet, despite the overlying subtextual incestual forbidden love controversial tensions that I would thus create

If I should indeed pursue my DJ career.

My Trust Fund is Frozen so I Immediately flew to Beverly Hills On my good Looks and Liquidated Assets

I heard from Instagram there was no power in Manhattan except in My Parents home and would frankly rather go to the Spa in Guantanamo Bay than return to Chez Cray, the toxicity of their lack of understanding of basic human interaction is beyond scary and Halloween is over.

 So, naturally I went to Los Angeles to do drugs and talk politics with my nearest and dearest  trust fund republican skinny celebrity Azzedine Alaia wearing Nobu eating pals who roll with the essential ingredients of a wealthy up and coming West Coast Socialite the 3 B's
 Bodyguards BMW's and Blow
and whose parents run The Penninsula and The Gap.

Alas.

I hopped into Uber from LAX with my Cracked out Dreams and Club Monaco Cardigan, Welcomed to the land of Botox/Weed Excess wondering will I ever fit in, and where I can get the Drugs Amanda Bynes is on that renders me incapable of completing a spin class fully clothed.
My tummy's turning from Bulimia, and am only feeling homesick for real culture and intelligence,


I have absolutely no idea how to spend money intelligently, and perhaps dare I say it, I may be improperly, maybe even incestually bred due to my inability to properly dress myself like the prep school gossip girl I was meant to become  and instead dress like a strung out hooker who has xanax spilling out of her mother's Hermes that I got blood and tasti delite on.

I was complimented in on my dress twice today only by the help. A starbucks barista and a waitress at the Polo Lounge meaning that I am only slightly better dressed than Kylie Jenner mixed in with a stalkerish yet seemingly disturbing disposition of Monica Lewinsky.

 I am severely trashy or interchangeably severely New Money as I
1.  stay at the bougiest hotels,
2. empty all of the contents of the Mini Bar when I invite my friends from the Amazing Race to come party on my balcony and throw ketel one bottles at the Room Service men
3. Ask the waitresses to take my photo with Bravo's internationally acclaimed restauranteurs slash housewives,
4.  wear shirts that say Chanel, which translate to Im a whore and will suck dick for both blow and an invite to your table at Greystone but not one or the other.

Welcome to the Liberal Media Elite Ivy Leaguers. We dont Lose Power. We are the Power.

Con Edison may be the only non government run franchise that affects rich People too.

I spent Halloween with Brother and Sister at their respective Ivy League University, I too auditioned Elle Woods style to this institution but unfortunately they were not impressed with my stint on NYC PREP and my rap music video in my Missoni bikini to "Where the Party At". This expressive essay was coupled with my SAT scores who's number was an appropriately moderately priced Jill Stuart top I.E under 1K combined. 

I love visiting sister and Brother at school as it provides such a contrast to my own undergraduate pained career, 

They are quent essentially a collection of Liberal Loving Balmain Wearing Marjuana Smoking International Marlboro light Urban StudiesIndian Archtitechtural Diamond Dig Major conglomerates whose warmth, friendliess and willingness to smoke me out buy me coffee and get me off never cease to amaze me. 

My siblings too, are my dearest friends even though they would most likely never speak to me if we were not indeed linked by the bloodline of Armani. 

Alas, Whilst being judged by my  lack of toothbrush, vibrator, underwear, hairbrush, perspirant, razor, cocaine, sports bra, and bandaid for my forever bleeding slit wrists, they still spent time with me despite their rampant aderal induced stress. 

 I managed to moderately escape the judging wrath of my siblings for being such a dysfunctional anti social asbergers degenerate who was slowly bleeding my father dry by my frequent benders in BEverly Hills and Dubai along with my lack of respect for actual employment and taxes. 

In the spirit of Halloween we were able to focus on more important issues over red wine and mali 

like 

1. Why Ryan beat Father for VP and 

2. who would get the house in Palm Springs for this Christmas as soon as we Kill mother by poisoning her Pinot. 

I argued it should be me because this is the first and perhaps only year I have a boyfriend and thus should take advantage of the instagramming opportunities before he realizes what an autistic bulimic alcoholic his girlfriend is and dumps me instead for a jappy booksmart Cornell Art History Major Coked Out Whore at Sotheby's living in Williamsburg Brooklyn. 

Alas, back to the bigger picture, it seems as though the entire East Coast, upper crust included lost electricity this week, except for those Hipster Just Dont Care Millionaire's who have the laundry men physically dump the contents of the hamper into the laundry bag into the laundry truck, all whilst downing voss water. 

After staying up late this Hallo's eve doing lines of Blow with Hollywood's offspring Finest at the Football House, I realized I was among the purest intelligence in the newest generation of Millionaire  Hipsters and it goes beyond Existentialism, Black Studies, City and Cinema and the rampant discussions of the  inefficiency of the economic capital system. 

Its all about the money. 

See you at the St. Regis  

November Goals

Whilst in Beverly Hills, procure an 8th of marjuana un spliffed and have it vaccumed packed and fed exed overnight to Murray Hill immediately


Procure more friends with bulimia and alcoholism intertwined sauteed in a delay of pre nup slash trust fund receipt

Buy stock in Con Edison

Get the next hurricane to be named after my thug name, which thus supports all racial realities.

Speak only French to the servers at  at Le Bernadin and TGI Fridays Respectively

Get gone down on by every mid tier analyst gay at mothers non existent fashion franchise

get photographed by Patrick Mcmullan in a very B list designer and get placed in the Sunday Styles next to my faux wedding announcement hand crafted by Yours Truly who graduated From Cornell Suma Cum Louder