Glitter Therapy Job Interview

Tell me about yourself-

I was born and Raised in St Tropez and Cote D'Azur. I speak French, Arabic and coversational Italian. I went to Rosay Boarding School and was the 3rd runner up downhill skiier. I have always been a proficient chess player, xanax crusher, rim job giver, and considered a noted philosopher and commenter on the intwernization of Post Millenium Film and Art.

 I didnt get into Yale because of my incessant plaigarism and SAT scores documented to be lower than Marie Antoinette's so I took the Southern Ivy League Route where I majored in Pastel and Politics and paid a Malaysian to complete my work. From there I pursued a line of sleazy mob slash mafia slash porn slash art modeling jobs. I would like to pursue a form of Mafia work, as hurting people is where I most excel and is within my innate capacity to succeed in extracting Revenge, not to be confused with my doppleganger and 2nd Cousin Emily Thorne.


Why do you want this Job?

Because I can sleep late, It requires a gun and speaking in a Russian accent is not frowned upon


What sort of skills make you think you are equipped for this line of work?

I can easily pathologically lie to any client/form of authority, am a superb writer and delegate all of my organizational duties to my nanny,
additionally I am an excellent communicator and accomplish an impressive workload because of all the adderall.

Thank you for your time. I hope that my last name and my ability to chew an entire packet of orbit gum does not frighten you.

See you at the St. Regis

December Goals

Give a blow job to a Prime Minister

Acquire furniture that connutes affluence and stature from the Marie Antoinette Period

Become well versed in conversational Russian and be able to speak casually about Post Modern Art

Stop spilling the crushed up xanax everytime I snort it and thus waste it

Stop inviting all of father's employees to my birthday party

wear bras that have more sequins

stop doing coke with poor people

Start an underground poker ring for anorexic housewives who lend me their clothes

Things that Should be installed in a vending machine

ATM cards that are drug dealer accepted

Prosecco bottles 

Iphone Chargers

Sparknotes for Shakespeare

Birth Control 

Mace

Nail Polish

Zagats Guides

Skinny Cow Ice cream bars

Fage Yogurt

Lexapro

My Bodyguard Broke his hand in a bar fight and couldnt help me move

Alas, I do not ask very much from my staff. Only that they ride or die for me and give me simply unnwavering devotion and  that the work they do for me is the reason that they live and breathe.

As I cried to my bodyguard when he explained that he was unable to help me carry my bags due to protecting his Baby Mama in the hood,
I,  through tears and foam I said to him,
you have to be more ABOUT me. This isnt all about the MONEY. I do everything for YOU. DO not take advantage of me and show up to work unable to protect me with your stump of a hand.

I do EVERYTHING FOR HIM- This is referring to
when he drunkenly crashed the Car and I begged father to keep him employeed as I may be a serious materialistic bitch who would rather snort windexed cocaine than do an honest days work, I am painfully kind and loyal to those most important. Like my staff, not to mention he sells phenom marijuana.

I do not like to be taken advantage of.

I am so much more than a spoiled self indulged manic bi polar alcoholic with a penchant for chess and xanax, I keep it so R. Kelly Real- what with my  my slashed wrists bleeding scabbed legs and 1999 Hermes bag that is ripping at the seams and has been thrown at many an ex boyfriend when they didnt understand they were my boyfriend.

In any case, my mexican peurto Sancan Bodyguard slash driver did not have the decency to tell me he broke his hand when I was downsizing from Park Avenue to the slums with a  blind doorman and an all inclusive heating system thus inhibiting him from helping me carry my boxes filled with thick heavy SElf help books on how to stop compulsively vomiting and how to save yourself from your toxic Mom hashtag 3 steps away from Bellevue.

Thankgoodness I had some rolled up euros that I found in the ATM at the Double U Hotel So I could immediately summon the maintenance staff and my British Mermaid Partner in Crime to help me carry my bed and my ripped up designer clothes.

Blow me its My Birthday

Alas, I am finally 25 for the first time, and aside from 15 million dollars in quarters from the State of California and a lifetime supply of accutane and glitter

Here are are a list of pre approved gifts

a bottle of Dom Perignon or Veuve Pre Corked mixed with the Jizz of any Goldman Sachs or Bain mid tier employee

Foreign Porn

T shirts that have a quotation that note what a wealthy skinny well bred well travelled individualistic materialistic lifestyle I lead

Nazi Paraphernalia

16 hours of Divorce attorney fees

Couples massage only if we are related

uncut diamonds/cocaine in a tiffany box sewed and stiched onto a bracelet

a tattoo of the chanel or Armani insignia on my vagina

Razors

Glitter Makeup from Sephora

Tickets To Cuba

Front Row Mezzanine seats to this seasons Aida