Elegant Conservatism, For the Very Slightly Retarded Yet Attractive Ivy League CuntGlomerate

I consider myself and my nearest and dearest in the Wealthy Well BredWellRead Upper Class Creme da Creme fixtures of society

Of Course, this description only is accurate when I am not:

Hiding from the government, 

cracked out on Vyvanse, 

wearing old navy and Louboutin's chewed by puppy Onyx or 

blackout in a low tier underground Poker Club hitting on likeminded Boarding School drop outs with a sick new strand of marjuana. 

Which Brings me to My Point of my Vote.  

I want to showcase my 200,000 thousand dollar education with words like deficit and ozone, and  my 600 dollar shoes by stamping my feet as I turn red in the face with passion. 

 I am voting R.R for Ritalin and Rejuvanation- Ryan, Romney 

the essential components to bringing America back to wear it belongs in terms of good cocaine and Ronald Reagan  family values sauteed in exponential economic growth. 

Aside from Romney and Ryan's impossibly good looks reminiscent of Old Hollywood

The Reason for my Vote is Simple. 

It was very eloquently stated by an important Jewish Poet of our time, it was either either E.E Cummings or Drake who said "The inside of my wallet is pasture-pasture green"

But, naturally I understand, that the pressures of having money and voting Republican look uncouth to your limosine Liberal friends and thus

drive even the most relentless Republicans against gays and black marriage and pro life attractive bible thumpers  to back down in a healthy  debate for fear of a seeming greedy and thus composed of an out of touch dispostion. 

Alas 

A Glittery Guide of Elegant Conservatism replete with big words and hard to understand phrases to quiet the whines of your unfourtante cellulite pending washed up liberal friends

This list was made with the help of my godparents Ann Coulter and Nouriel Roubini. See you in CAbo for Thanksgiving Bebs EX OH EX OH 

 My vote comes down to the core values of what it means to be a Republican, lower taxes, tort reform, limited government intervention, and defeat of the greatest threat to the free world Islamic Fundamentalism improperly contained. 

1.   Job Creation. The unemployment rate has been hovering near an all time low for any one administration. Obama has promised to create jobs, but all I see are a lot of unemployed actors with bad headshots. 

1. A. The number of people who have dropped out of the work force have continued at a staggering rate. The main factor of the drop in unemployment this month was people  essentially giving up on finding real work. 

 Mitt Romney is going to focus less on Federal Reserve issues and more on Job creation, the key component to make America as attractive and lucrative as it was in the Reagan Era. 

2.  Health Care Obama Carelessness 

Small businesses are increasingly alarmed as what  higher costs mean for future employment of their firms. 

People who have small businesses will be reluctant to hire people because of the rising costs of health insurance under Obama-Carelessness. 

3. The majority of the middle class is not better off than it was 4 years ago, Not that I care. 

4. Higher Taxes equals Higher Unemployment. There will be  significantly less job creation if there is no incentive to hire people, especially for small businesses. 

4. A Obama wants to continue to raise capital gains, which is a clear disincentive to start a new business like a worthwhile tech start up to find a drug dealer near you Shazaaam and hire new people. 

5. Foreign Policy Beyond St. Tropez

Obama's foreign policy has been centered on confusion, weakness and poor party planning. I am certain if he is elected Iran's nuclear program will develop full force like my drug problem, solely because of his lack of credibility because of his unwillingness to use force

Romney has outlined a foreign policy program that is centered, clear, and will prevent terrorist attacks indefinitely. He is much more credible in terms of threatening with force and expensive machinery. 

 He will provide the Syrian Rebels with arms thus moving forward the collapse of Assad's regime. 

Stay Skinny and Vote Republican 

See You at the St. Regis 

How to Buy Karma This Halloween

Like most wealthy well to do mid twenty children of executives and mothers in a non existent career, I plan on getting bottle service whilst taking many trips to the bathroom in last years Celine Clutch in my slutty yet witty halloween costume to simultaneously showcase my boobs and clever creative existence.

I fear however, that perhaps I should purchase myself some good karma by giving to those less fortunate than I this season as my way of embracing my favorite holiday. Halloween, a celebration of multiple personality disorders, sluts, and alcohol. Notions, that I believe are at the core of America, and my personal values. 

Here is How to Enjoy Doing Drugs, embrace your inner promiscuous wellbred Skank, eat red 40, and not feel the least bit pained. 

Dear Limosine Liberal former Sorority Sister with a pending engagement to an Oil Heir in Texas who I hope gets poisoned and who's home goes into foreclosure sauteed in terrible clothes and a painfully obvious nose job with a slow recovery with no vicodin,

 

Congratulations again on your wildly recognized yet worthless charity event raising Money for Cracked out Mothers with Herpes and Poorly Decorated Apartments. I had the grandest!

 I hope this email finds you well. I was wondering if  Your Organization accepts donated halloween costumes or if you knew an organization where I could donate a costume to child/young teen in need?

 

Sincerely,

The Glitter Therapist 

Hi Glitter Therapist ,

It has indeed been awhile! You Look Fantastic and do look out for our Save the Date for the Wedding in June! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes we can definitely take the donation. Also, if you are interested we are looking for mentors for our second year program for the Camels with Aids program, which should be starting in November. I will keep you updated if you are interested. We can definitely use the support. Hope to see you soon! Are you going to the Mother Daughter  Double Team Tea  Christmas Event for Mitt and Ann?  The tables start at 10K. 

Big kiss to Seester and Brother!!

Best,

Bulimic Alcoholic Trust Fund Sorority Whore on the Board of every Charity in the Tri State Area and does not know what the difference between Sunni and Shiate or Chianti and Zifandel are 

Stay Medicated Indeed. 

Happy Halloween. 

See you At The St. Regis 

Cyber Sex with the Man on the cover of this Months Foreign Policy

I never kiss and tell unless they are extremely high profile, because then absolutely no one finds that interesting.
When my fellow bulimic alcoholic patrick mcmullan infiltrating post rehab contemporaries tell me over boozy brunch ( a meal for fags as my father calls it) that they are dating, lets just say  a low profile environmentalist, I immediately tune out

A because  the notion of screwing someone who believes in a cause as delusional as the environment is a Lucadras Lupe Fiasco
B because I have never seen them on Fox News or E True Hollywood Story,
C because any conversation I have s that does not have to do 100% with me and my dirty yet dry cleaned laundry, my drug problems, my parents, my lack of normal employment, my obsession with celebrity teen sensations and my hatred of my therapist and housekeeper  I am not curious.

When I hook up with someone high profile, and by high profile I mean someone who is verified on twitter and who has been on television for at least 30 seconds
It becomes the center of my drug induced centered core and those of my inner circle as it means I am one step closer to my ultimate goal of being greeted by bouncers at Clubs by first name with a secret handshake.

When they are high profile, I must tell everyone every detail immediately, and Im looking at you CEO of Google who either has erectile dysfunction or is bisexual, and most definitely has an Asian Fetish judging from his recent History.
and this is
most likely the reason why my status will never be more than a wannabe mafia Hooker social climbing manic autistic poor little not so rich girl, and the only longstanding real  relationship I have ever successfully had was when I was 15 over the internet with a 45 year old in Boca who had horses and told me I was pretty, even though I sent him photos of Chelsea Clinton and claimed she and I were the same.

Phone call from the Bronx Narcotics

Whenever I get a phone call from Law enforcement, I enter immediate panic as I indulge in many of the following activities out of sheer boredom, need for material,  and desire to make new friends in the child porn industry. Children are just the cutest.

Perhaps my

-Underground Klonopin/Accutane drug ring had been busted as my high profile clients range from minor league baseball players to B list socialites, to nervous strung out BEverly Hills Mothers thanks to my FED EX connect.
I usually do not make a habit of sleeping with employees who belong to a Union or who wear Uniforms but he makes sure my packages surpass those nawsty German Shepherds at Customs.

- Underground Middle School Horace Mann English Paper writing service has been busted, since I pride myself on being kind, giving to charity, wearing well tailored 2007 Marc Jacobs, and being a phenom conceptual middle school writer.  I knew I could draft seemingly insightful yet intelligent pieces on the underlying symbolism of Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath and deliver excellent results.  My success in the private school post modern delerium ended after the 6th grade, I fathomed that If I went back to the scene of the crime and correct my mistakes by writing papers for others, I would have a chance at a less bi polar alcoholic manic future.
Since my self esteem has been greatly suffering, I naturally thought A plus papers in the 8th grade at prestigious pretentious junior high establishments would surely do the trick and would appreciate the extra funds to buy Mali and tasti delight.

I left 16 voicemails on this seemingly questionable detective and have contacted my personal security team in Conrad Grayson Fashion to ensure that if I have to make an immediate leave to Rio De Janerio and change my name I can do so at moments notice, and P.S I already have a sick instagram for my new alias Identity.

I discuss my financial downfall with my psychic

Im a believer in anyone that will look into a crystal magic 8 ball, offer me a pellegrino with a splash of cranberry and pay Manhattan rent on the Upper West Side by telling me my parents will die quickly and I will come into a luxurious waspy future married to the heir of Chapstick 

-thus wiping away my pained existence of suicidal mid twenties alcoholic post traumatic stress. 

Ipso facto,

 when my attorney, a low tier junior associate at Skadden with fredrick fekkai highlights and bulimia who's little I used to by adderal from at University, told me that my financial actions of recent bank transactions with Madeoff in Panama casually mixed in with my belief that I was too emotionally unstable to pay my con Edison bill  now had the government watching -rendering my trust fund non liquidated assets to be frozen inter-determinetly, I would now have to watch my spending excrutiatingly carefully and even more painful- enter into a budget of a middle class forever 21 tax bracket- as the Buddhists say- For NOW. 

How carefully?  and Who am I? 

I pondered, the similar way that Derek Zoolander pondered his 2nd place modeling career after the VMA's into a puddle before being splashed by pre nose job Hansel So Hot right now, 

Instead of heading to the caves to find my roots like Derek, I saved myself the dirt and the Miles and 

I consulted my psychic Asian, who advised that this too like, a difficult bowel movement, or the war torn Syria, shall pass and for now, I should have grilled chicken and prosecco instead of tuna tartare and Veuve at lavo and patiently wait until my name has been cleared and I can stop hiding. 

Mass Texts - I am at a Group Massage and just came three times

I frequently mass text my father's employees, my staff, my exes, my sister's exes, low tier J.P Morgan analysts, Communists, people I have met once, dear friends, arbitrary co-workers, old camp counselors, my karate teacher, my gyno, and linked infriends the following:

Do you think it is possible my vagina was just meant for smuggling diamonds and blow?

You look like you are dripping in money in your recent photo :D

My adderal isn't working on surveillance

What stocks do you have that are doing well that I should be interested in?

I will trade you xanax for weed since I do not have cash.

If I take several laxatives but speak in an inflected British accident about world politics am I still considered Upper Class in your subjective yet highly educated coked out opinion?

Is it acceptable to have sex with someone if they are very fat but have a House in East Hampton and a trust fund that holds its own against Assouline Oil Hoteliers

Where else can I generate income besides real estate, diamonds, the black market, foot fetishes, oil, and klonopin?

Do you know a good lawyer/dermatologist?

Overused Lies besidesI dont use Drugs

Hi. Ive said it. You have said it. Now we said it.

TO quote Sonja Morgan from the Cosmopolitan Critically acclaimed Real Housewives of Manhattan LIES LIES LIES

Let us stop saying.

It was mutual.

I dont use facebook.

I didnt sign the prenup, and I didnt even know his situation.

I dont watch Hills reruns.

I dont hate jews.

I know exactly what health care is.

Botox is whack.

I wouldnt have sex with my siblings for free Michael Kors for the next 10 years.

I would be exactly the same if I came from less money.

I like all my friends of different races the same.

Rape is not funny.

Im pretty sporty and LOVE video games. I will crush your super mario Kart.

I have never bought or paid for weed.

I dont blackout.

Whats In and Whats Out

Frankly, I do not know the Difference between Isaac Mizrahi and Zac Posen and am just as content wearing Old Navy with Prada Labels sewed in in as Long as I look bulimic and am heavily drugged.

Talking about designers is only acceptable conversation if you literally were in the Devil Wear's Prada Production, otherwise you sound like a die Hard Bridge and Tunnel Rachel Zoe wannabe with bad skin and poor intellectual depth.

I am an expert in nanotechnology and cyberbullying and mixing medications. Fashion, I look to my sister, the alleged editor of every Ivy League NewsPaper as I once leaked to Star Magazine, as I am as a reliable source as Plato, but in any case I do know what is OUT

1. Facebook Birthday Invitations especially with a fee at the Door. I would rather drink paint, which I do anyway.

2. ObamaCare

3. Serious Facebook Status updates or albums i.e So Blessed to Have such Awesome Friends.

4. The words and phrases Debauchery, Sha-nan-igans, green party, belligerent, Zifandel,  E-Z Pass, cracked iphone screen,
If I see hear or speak these words I will know I am dealing with poorly educated ill mannered common ordinaries

5. Washing Dishes

Me and my Attorney. A love story Sauteed in A Glitter Retainer

The wellbredWellread cracked out alcoholic celine Bag carrying Ivy League Fredrick Fekkai Polo Lounge Mali Raging One Percent youth has found themselves encroaching on the hottest accessory of 2013, an Attorney. 

3Fold. Trust Fund. Pre Nup. Random Argument in the Club. 

An Attorney is so chic, well dressed, and one permeates the room with a high level of important corporate and social standing when one drops the phrase my attorney recommended that bar Esq. 

I for one, have had my own attorney on a peripheral eternal Retainer since I was 4 years old for tax reasons, immediate Pre nup Emergencies, and my frequent rampant lack of understanding of Rules. Since I am a citizen of the World, conceived in St. Tropez raised in Switzerland and live back in Forth Between Manhattan Dubai Monaco and Havana and Beverly Hills I am unclear which rules apply where. 

Throughout my life, I have had exactly 3 lawsuits.

1. In the  2nd Grade I was allegedly emotionally molested by swimming instructor and Dude Where's My Car Extra in East Hampton Day Camp. The  instructor settled for a mere 15,000 to make me stop speaking. And let's be very honest. Doggy Paddle in an unfiltered highly chlorinated pool with other private school one percenter's sweat is abusive, so my settlement just barely covers the physical damages to hair, body, soul.

2. In the  7th Grade I sued former Housekeeper for reading my diary that I had an underground yet highly successful accutane drug ring. She told my parents who obviously impressed with my creative genius just wanted a cut. I sued her for Breach of Privacy and lack of respect. Since she had no money and was from some godforsaken West African Caribbean Island, she simply went about her way and I got full decision making abilities on household staff after my brother.

3. In my junior year of University at  Pseudo Ivy League replete with crack and pastel addicted wasps, A fellow secret Society Member gave a blow job to a professor I was actively pursuing both on and off social media
-so I told everyone that not only did she and her Father have a regular consensual sexual relationship but also played an integral role in his Pyramid Panama Scheme and was well aware of the stock options shortage that made all of his employees lose their job.

 It was very Millenium Enron Esque with a South American Twist and if she wasnt such a heinous overweight liberal twat with bad highlights and a nawsty disposition, we perhaps could have been dear friends.
I am not one to be calculative or manipulative, but when someone of my inner circle directly sabootages me, i am of the Christina Aguleria Girl Power Generation, I am a "FIGHTER".
 She sued me for slander for 1 million dollars, and thank God I do a lot of coke with Casey Anthony's Lawyer so he teamed up with Mine and together got me a fantastic settlement for 60,000 dollars.

I wish you and your attorney success on your future lawsuits and endeavors and I would like to raise a toast. May your trust funds get expedited, may your pre nups accidentally burn in the fire, and may all of the cellulite laden nawsty mean children who directly hook up with people you are actively pursuing get caught in an alleged pyramid scheme.

So many people are BBMing me asking me why I am not in the Hamptons this weekend

It is always a good feeling when your fans tell you they've missed your rich girl drunken antics, and the truth is I have missed them myself.  For sometime I thought my only true friend was my dad's secretary who single handedly helped me escape to Mexico when I poisoned all of the Eating Clubs at Harvard with unfiltered cocaine.
But my blogging, like my tolerance in rubbing alcohol consumption has decreased because I came down with a terrible bee sting that rendered me incapable of practicing the inherent racism and disgust in people without money for a solid two weeks.
I was going to recover at the Chateau Marmount but I don't go anywhere that Lindsay Lohan has been banned from.
Bitches Im back. Happy Early Halloween. And PS. If you are rocking that slutty Mermaid costume that I already thought of in 1992 I suggest to take a breather from the klonopin, bloats the boobs and retains water.
See you at the St. Regis

Your life is not Ridiculous

It is the ultimate classic go to line of a group of girls when their token Crazy friend is up to her usual antics and one claims that her life should be a reality show because it is quote on quote ridiculous.

I would like to put an end to this, because this sort of "ridiculous activity" is what I and most of the people I pretend to be friend's with do before Breakfast.

Im aware of the typical blonde Fredrick Fekkai YSL celine bag carrying hot mess instagramming PR high fashion coked out sluts that infiltrate my mutually exclusive instagram and personal space, but I have to comment that when these women think that their behavior of hooking up with their butlers, family members, sneaking into Celebrity VIP tables, getting on a plane to vegas in the middle of the day, jumping out of a cake, or buying expensive musical equipment because they are a DJ this week si by no means "ridiculous" out of this world or uncanny.

But only an attempt on what every other wellbredWellBred social climbing wannabe media darling does in order to prove to her friends that she is not Boring and is just overcompensating for her dwindling trust fund sauteed in the raw truth that you are no longer 19.

Im not saying to not as the Great Asher Roth said, Do Something Crazy. Im just saying that everyone else is as well.

October Goals

Establish a more high end clientele replete with A list sports team of whom I sell my klonopin to

Develop a faster hacking system to decipher Iphone passwords so I can read everyones texts immediately

Purchase a diamond encrusted bowl

Develop a craftier wittier more educated response to why I am voting for Romney besides lower taxes and Democrat is just a euphemism for Communism

Dispute every single Amex charge

Get on a First name basis with every bouncer at at Lavo and Bootsy