Some Lyrics I personally relate to

1. Choke King Fantastic Lyric I personally relate to her ass so fine make me wanna put my fist in it

yep in her anus and it aint never been a problem

thats because im famous

2. Upper West "Slow Down" Lyric I personally relate to  " Just because you finish first doesnt mean you're winning" "

3. Alliyah "Rock the Boat Club Remix" Lyric I personally relate to "Boy you get me high, I feel like Im on dope, cause you serve me on the regular"

4. Hairspray "Without Love" Lyric I personally relate to "In my ivory tower, life was just a hostess snack, but now Ive tasted chocolate and Im never going back"

5. Mariah Carey "SHake it Off" Lyric I personally relate to "So I packed up my Louis Vuitton, jumped in your ride and took off"

6. DMX "Lose my mind" Lyric I personally relate to " You're whack you're twisted your girls a ho, you're broke the kid aint yours and errybody know" 

7. This land is your land" Lyric I personally relate to " From the Redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters, this land was made for you and me" 

8. City High What would you do Lyric I personally relate to "Why you up there dancing for cash I guess a whole lots changed since I seen you last"

9. Carrie Underwood "Before He Cheats Lyric I personally relate to "Carved my name into his leather seats"

10. Good Charlotte "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous Lyric I personally relate to " Well did you know when you were famous you could kill your wife  And there's no such thing as 25 to life"

Father Quotes 2012

O you went to Cipprianni's? Did they know who you were?

I am very virile. 

Palestine? Are you allowed to say that??

EVERYONE came up to me and told me that She is in VERY serious financial trouble. EVERYONE. 

Glee is a phenomonal program. 

These Kangaroo's are Daddy's Dream Girls

I do 50 Push ups every morning in under a minute. Everyone says how good I look this year. It makes me feel very good. I look very good. 

Who spent 40 dollars at Vico Italian Restaurant on January 3rd? Parlor has a much better scene. They know me.

Can you confirm the opera and where do you want to go to dinner for April 5th?

He's GAYYYYY?????????? 

I had a very disruptive flight. The stewardess was fat. 

February Goals transitioning from Bitch Liquor to what real men drink

28 push ups in one minute

Find a shampoo to make xanax not show up on a drug test

buy a black lacy thong

make a piece of toast

drink more Johnny Walker Black in public

Get a Boyfriend with a better stock portfolio than my father's

invent a diamond encrusted glitter device that works as a wine opener and a clitoris massager

not fall asleep in yoga or at my therapist

not date any disabled people this month

change my sheets that have blood all over them

Raw Thug Life Park Avenue

A wise man once poetically rapped that he has 99 problems and the police stop him on the road because he is young and black and his hat is real low. 

As the future Head Detective of the South Bronx Narcotics and Rape Unit, I will firmly instruct that we do not just stop blacks, but people of all colors of the rainbow, because I have been in many cars with many races who are questionably riding dirty, meaning that they have drugs in their car. 

I have never felt more alive and at peace with myself in the ghetto, and I do believe in my former life I was born to a crack addicted mother unclear of who my father is and was frequently suspended for cheating and selling marijuana and starting gang fights over which bitch stole my boo. 

My favorite After School Snack was Pre Come

I dont want to get all Anti Semitic on your perky toned asses, but lets face it, us Jews give great head.

And here's why. We dont consider it really cheating or dirty because when people ask how many people we have had sex with we can whole heartedly say 11 without lying really.

The first time I gave head was in the kindergarten. I was in the Chic Madison Avenue Boutique Bon Point and me and my friend were hopelessly bored in getting fitted for our Poetry Reading. My Poem was called "What is as Beautiful as a Butterfly's Wings? Me"

And so, with under 2 miliseconds, he came, and thats when I realized that not only pre ejaculation is a great after school snack, but I was still a proud Virgin. Mazel Tov.

Most of my dearest friends are middle aged has beens who are somewhere between post alcoholism, sex starvation, empty nest syndrome and a new discovery of sex with someone who is not your wife slash husband.

I so prefer the middle age as it turns out they have a raw understanding of suffering, similar to what Kevin Spacey said in American Beauty when he says his 17 year old daughter feels her life sucks and he wants to tell her it gets better but doesnt want to lie to her.

My dearest friend who is older and who I want to have sex with, said that when his wife was out of town visiting her sister he went on a date with this girl who didnt want to cheat on her boyfriend so would only perform fellatio.

I die. And of course she was jewish.

Driving Lessons Part 69

Naturally I do not know how to drive as this involves movement, coordination, focus, respect for federal and state law, and sends the message that your father's or boyfriends firm cannot afford a driver. Embaressing.

However, in my quest to become a sexy private detective with a 9 bedazzled pink swarovski crystal milly meter gun, I need to have a license, not to kill, but to drive. So poor, but this is hashtag thug life.

So I called my dear friend Spike Lee, and asked who taught his kid to drive and he gave me the name of a fun loving subway eating chainsmoking boss instructor who teaches all the celeb kids, buys me diet coke and knows where all the drug dealers live in the Bronx so I can have them arrested and thus promoted.

So, sadly, I cannot have a tutor take this for me, and I cant turn or park, all I can do is honk the horn and fool with the window wipers and fit a vodka bottle between my thighs.

Hopefully in the driving test I will get extra points for decent head and the musical sonata I have created with the horn and my own voice to the tune of Ridin Dirty.

I kissed a girl and I liked it Nay- My mom got hit by a bus and I liked it

I have been trying to think up great excuses to not show up for work, and by work I mean the cubicle where I wear Prada suits from the early millenium and read blogs whilst pretending to look busy and know what is going on in the stock organic market.

Here is what I have come up with
my mom got hit by a bus
caught onset althzeimers
swallowed a razor
got caught in a school shooting
meeting with my divorce lawyer

Mourning the Lost of my Drugs

So in order to become an undercover cop and capture ghetto black guys who are in gangs and make cool finger signs,
 I need to be qualified and pass a drug test which includes but is not limited to
anti depressants, xanax, klonopin, ambien, lithium, cocaine, pot, methanphetamines,

So in order to pass I have specifically ordered a shampoo from Switzerland which side effects include weight loss and dementia and early onset diabeetees, and cut off all connections to my drug dealer besties.

I have taken it upon myself to sell all of my prescriptions at Low tier Ivy League schools since I need new shoes and scotch and cant take money from my father anymore since I supposedly have a new career except in emergencies like rent and sushi and spontaneous rented hotel rooms on a whimsical whim, and very sadly wont be using.

Ipso facto, on my quest to becoming a private investigator, I have already hired a gun bedazzler and an ebonics tutor to teach me how to morph into my alias Marguarita Loheda from South Harlem Sup Mami Sup Papi

A few Queer things Happened to me toDay

I saw Usher at Le Pain

I figured out how to get Jizz off of Chanel

One of the Hitlers cousins friended me on My sorority facebook group

My framed Mugshots came for Next years christmas card

I took a picture of masking tape on my mouth for my twitter picture so that people will think I am pro gay marriage but really it was so that I would not eat lunch. Sh.

I blew bubbles at my doorman

I made a video of the entire movie of the Little Mermaid and photoshopped Ariel out and put myself in

I found a better priced meth lab

I found the answers to the G.R.E on craigslist

I sold an ounce of my blood for 50 euros on e bay

I love money and Vicodin - What my tagline would be if I were on the Real Housewives

Taylor Armstrong from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is the new favorite housewife.

I used to hate her as I thought she gave  physically abused anorexic yet stylish and creative birthday party throwing housewives a bad name, and I was personally offended since I aspire to be those things but her unimpressive vocabulary, offensive Janice Dickinson like lips,  and common man upbringing in Oklahoma was deeply troubling and so I much preferred Adrienne's unapologetic wealth and hatred of her husband and Kim's alleged crystal meth usage.

But then, she brought her psychiatrist to the party as her date. I usually do this as well, but mine is not a man, so she technically had a date that she could dance with and tell her she is pretty and strong all night. I must do this

Now, the real housewives of Beverly Hills is a highly distasteful untellectual form of a guilty pleasure as it is reality television that makes no references to Proust or Republicans, which is an unworthy waste of pseudo Ivy Leager's pseudo intellectual's artsy hipster trust a farian save the world ambitions.

However, because these women are rich skinny white and married with fake careers except for the Brit with the restaurants I make an exception as I quantify it as extensive research on how to succeed and read the Wall Street Journal in between Commercial Breaks.

I googled how to meet rich men and this is what I came up with

First of all I was doing this as a test to see if Google, like Siri and SmarterChild, have more information than I do, because obviously my quest for life is to marry into the lifestyle to which I am accustomed and by New York State Law I cant marry my dad.

Turns out just as I predicted I do like Ann Coulter, have encyclopedia like ability to retain facts and am smarter than google.

I cant even begin to list some of their suggestions as I am already bored and have moved on to my next topic: me.

I have the inability to understand why someone would not be attracted to a likeminded individual who is interested in the arts, comes from a well respected family with artistic ambitions and wall street money and From russia but questionably Christian who is prone to sudden outbursts and utter disregard and respect for other races.

Glitter Therapy Bedazzled Products

In the Caribbean, my dear friend Film-makers' parents wore baseball caps to promote his films. Cute promotional activity.

My parents are not into fetid common man attire and ipso facto neither is my fan base, and by fan base I mean those who read this blog and want to know if I actually do drugs and not work but have a sunny disposition and am nice to people.
Truth hurts and I come with a highlighted pink sparkly warning label that hasnt been washed since Bush senorina.

Here are some more marketable Glitter Therapy Para Fa Nail Ya
 gun cases
matchstick cases
whips
investment portfolio holders
PDA's with lists of best spas, luxury hotels, holistic nutritionists, trainers, psychics, and champagne shops
nipple clams
silver pens

if you are not on a first name basis with Sergio at Harry Cipprianni than your priorities are whack

There is no better networking than at Harry Cipprianni's with contemporary likeminded blogger ivy leaguer inner circle members and their parental Units.
Why?
Because Our parents are products of successful Reagan Tax Bracket 1980's madonna loving pure cocaine snorting times where they made money and met people.

The best way to get ahead is to talk to our parents and meet everyone they know.

Mitt Romney, you are our last hope. Res Erect Reagan, get rid of health care, pull out of Iraq, get Cocaine from Columbia instead of Washed up windex sauteed in rat poison, and get people all hot and bothered about investing in the stock market.

And as for the blackout of Wikipedia? Im into it. We all need a good censorship every now and then.

In the Criminal Justice System: Sexually Based Offenses are considered especially Heinous

Here's what Im good at:

Stalking people, taking pictures in the club, pretending Im black, carrying a magnifying glass

Here's what Im not good at:

getting out of bed at normal times, excel, powerpoint, or discovering trends in fashion

This discovery has lead me to the realization of my new career calling: Private Investigation

I have already had bedazzled glittery business cards that say

High End Investigation: Get It Done. Get Money
While ideally I would like to help likeminded rappers such as Tupac and R. Kelly get out of trouble by re investigating whether or not they actually pee'ed on a little girl, something that I would be extremely good at, the New York State of law does not permit me to have a gun.

Little do they know I am also a citizen of the Vatican City so I already do and use it during role play.

I will start out by baiting cheating husbands to see if they will cheat on their wives with me. What an ego boosting endavor !

I get to wear pretty clothes, use a microphone, and try to get fingerblasted by married man on camera to be later used in a court of Law?
All Rise. Court is in Session
See you at the St. Regis

It feels good to be bad- kinda

Ive been suffering from minor head aches and contusions which lead me to believe that perhaps all of my bad intentions and take no prisoners in order to sleep with Goldman partners is affecting my health.. but maybe not

here's what I've been up to

Setting up a website to sell old people's bones for designer purchases

cooking my lexapro

collecting blood

I applied for a high end escort service specified for rich chinese bankers and in the process of filling out the personality evaluation

This guy that I am into even though he is Jewish is going to a bar on February 10th as facebook told me he RSVP'ed yes, so I am going as well

threw my neighbors baby out the window and feigned amnesia

skipped rent and instead sang the song from rent to my landlord

secretly took photos of all of the lower private school girls and made an album called the future SL club rats 2020

Did you really just sleep with me and not call?

The men of this generation are abdominal and here's why. 

I am not some sort of man bashing feminist as I vote republican and men have more money, but it beyond unacceptable for men to stick body parts in you and think that they do not owe you something back. 

Im really in no place to give advice, because the closest thing I have to a relationship is my standard poodle and my xanax but I find that since Im brilliant, I have noticed a few things that may provide some guidance to those along the way. 

Which leads me to a very obviously overstated point. We are making this game way to easy.  I hate games just as much as I hate Hil Clit's lesbian pant suits but life is literally that board game life and you have to play. 

When Paris Hilton was not overshined by her more retarded brunette version Kimmy Dash, she graced the Cover of 17 magazine wearing reading glasses to hone in or her intellectual points in 2004. 

Essentially Do not give it up. I would like to add Lil Wayne's point of long hair dont care. 

If you combine this old money white undereducated rich girl with new money black under educated rich boy

Dont Give it up, long hair dont care, you will achieve the ultimate goal of making them go so crazy he may even have to text you "Sup". 

Do Not Give it up. Do Not Call. Do not text. Do not facebook. Do not talk about it. Why? You have better things to do. A career to pretend to have, friends to pretend to like, Mothers to pretend to call, and drugs to pretend to do, sort of. 

This logic is flawless and confirmed by many low tier bankers. If you want to be in a relationship, you have to assume a completely un psycho persona, which for me means changing my identity completely and I assume for you as well. 

Why isnt porn an option on the entertainment section in first class?

Its possibly the biggest thrill when I pass by dear friends in the airport line on to the elite access line.

However, before I go riding high on my high horse I take a moment to pause and reflect. Flying first class means you do not have a PRIVATE JET, the ultimate symbol of sophistication and global travel expertise.
 and facebook shots on the plane are like having an Iphone 3 versus and Iphone 4. No one knows the difference.

First class  sounds like a thrill, but it really isnt,


so stop your whining about  the myths of global warming unless you are among an elite liberal hollywood crowd and take a look at what's wrong with first class

-  No porn

- you have to put drugs up your vagina, in cookies, or in your ballsack instead of casually in your purse.

- untrained toddlers who are not allowed to be put in stow-away compartments ( I did this in coach once, and I only flew this way because I was saving starving African kids and wanted to know their secrets

-Excessive Louis Vuitton Luggage

-No Rappers on flight

-There has never been a terrorist flying out of teterboro

-up close and personal glimpses of rich people's marital mundane conversation that combined with ambien is actually a fairly decent sleep inducer

-The Casey Anthony Jury is out- First Class is the new middle class

Excuse me for the delay, I was in Vegas playing blackjack and I won

There is nothing I like more other than giving Blow jobs in a Jacuzzi to an old man who will buy me dinner than a phenomenal self help motivational speaker panel with attractive people and and and an after drinks mingle meet and greet open bar with top shelf liquor and bartenders who are in porn. 

My career as a writer has led me to a Las Vegas Conference on Trust Fund Klonopin laxative dependents who hate their boyfriends.

There was also a side conference that I had an exclusive invite too of Celebrity Burnout's offspring: What happens when know one care's about your parents in the public eye and strategies for how to cope

It was non surprisingly riveting and intellectual and it was held in the Bellagio and the Key Speakers included Invanka Trump, Pippa Middleton, Tinsley Mortimer, Brandon Davis, and Kendal Kardashian- Jenner

Then I cheated at a few rounds of black jack thanks to my gambling asian tutor and used the money towards my Father's chateau in Italy that I plan on buying him to apologize for him for not doing well on my SAT's as my drug dealer was late so I missed the essay part. Not my fault #blameCosmo

Ipso Facto, Im back on the West Coast but Im going to Paris in February for a wedding and then London for the theatre to visit dear friends. 

Do Kindles Remove the Sexiness of Paperback?

My siblings and I nearly died when Father referred to his kindle fire as an I pad.

No No No, we said. It was clear that Father is good at Running a business. Period. But if his is only fault is that he calls kindles I pads and refuses to buy me stock in con Edison so that I can leave the lights on as I please, than I suppose my life is sub standard.

I found an article that I wrote when I was editor of my high school newspaper that I created. God I was such a genius.

Those of us born in the late ’80s and early ’90s remember growing up with parents, teachers and educators becoming increasingly concerned that reading was dead and was instead replaced with rap, television and crack cocaine. True story. But reading implies you are a well bred sophisticated traveller who excels at intellectual cocktail party talk. 

As an attempt to correct the problem of books taking up too much space in the birkin or if you are a jappy Long Islander- your Long not so champ, the literary world has moved to electronics. 

The Kindle is an electronic device that allows readers to download thousands of books, magazines, articles and blogs from Amazon. 

Michael Tamblyn, CEO of Booknet,phenom at fingering, fears that electronic reading has taken the sexiness out of books. Furthermore, he claims “No one holding a Kindle at Starbucks gets asked for her phone number.” 

The whole point of reading in public is to be asked out, but that requires the right location The Waldorf Lobby- The UN- The White House Living Room Et Cetera ad naseum 

Its not how you are reading it, but what you are reading, where you are, and how you talk about it. 

Revenge - Television is Back- Guns Trust Funds- And Nonsensical Narration

Normally,
Television is for poor people who dont know men who buy tables but some of my contemporary social climbing socialites have been tweeting about this show, and I have to say, Wednesday night has not been fresh since 2004, and the show has Guns and Trust Funds ipso facto
 I decided I would take a break from stalking Cuba's government and look.
after brushing teeth with a bottle of Jack and sparkling Voss,
I checked in

It is about a Juvy hall turned trust fund high society rich bitch who comes to the Hamptons to seek Revenge on the people that framed her Hot Dad for terrorism. Excellent Plot, all you need is a DOJO, an  undisposable income, a highly tech savvy bi sexual friend, a good manicure, and a sound explanation of your false identity

What's Phenom:
The costumes, the right Hamptons, some black people, Harvard Business School, Old Money New Money Confrontations, Daniel Grayson

What's Asinine
Emily Thorne's overly dramatic narration that sounds like a poorly written Mary Alice lacking point and meaning,
Deckland's painful long island Hamptons accent and his acting ability of a coffee table
Charlotte's teeth
the lack of clarity of how Emily transformed from Juvenille Hall to the captain of her equestrian team and on the Board of Charities that Make no difference but are more important than God in Hampton Society.

Ive seen it, Im into it Im processing. I relate to Emily- she is a bored 20 something with lots of money looking for a project to get back at the people who made her suffer. I feel you girl.

Dont Tell Anyone- But Im very famous

Nothing gives me greater pleasure then when non famous or non rich people tell me not to blog about them or talk about them because of quote "who they are". 

Ah, Since I have lived by the rule of never ever listening to anyone and doing exactly the opposite and often doubling it with a cherry on top Im going to tell you exactly what happened. Why? Because its funny

Why else? Because its really funny.

I was casually hanging out at Le Bain with my inner circle drinking Vodka Sodas discussing the new tasti delight flavors and how the new crop of cocaine better mix well with xanax for 2012 when a young awkward Jew approached my group.

I did a fairly good job of doing what my shrink and I have been discussing since the early 90s which is to act normal and to not talk about drugs or suicide or bulimia but then he told me he wrote a book and it was a national besteller. 

Die. Unless you are the 2nd cuming of the Merge of George T.S Elliot meets Jane Austen sauteed in Fitzgerald's drinking problem you are not an author. 

He had no choice but for me to say that I too was a critically acclaimed blogger internationally recognized by wealthy kids on drugs who have little else to do but read my blog and agree with everything I say. 

Naturally I took him home to my blood stained sheets and bed filled with crumbs of snack wells. He thought it was hot that I wasnt wearing underwear, little did he know I do this because I am painfully Lazy.

Sadly my 12 year old cousin who was staying with me the weekend walked in with me completely naked so the 3 of us had a discussion on safe sex and what to do when you meet strangers. I later incessantly texted him 4 (0) times the next day to see if he was interested in a casual facebook relationship. 

Alas, he was not and so ipso facto therefore. Mother was always right. Dont try to sleep with people on the first date. Shrink was right, dont talk about drugs on the first date. Little cousin was right, I should probably use another form of birth control besides my on call abortion doctor. 

Eh Whatever. I hate you all. 

Fuck me Im famous

See you at the St Regis 

Rich People Go to Grad School #Cum Laudly

I have decided to apply to Ivy League Business school as I believe I will have better success at meeting Generation Cracked out on Adderal and Klonopin swimming in my dwindling Trust Fund like minded gentlemen when they least expect it- in their dorm rooms or apartment post college

 because lets face it the university dating game never ends and in fact only gets worse- so lets stop pretending we have the necessary skills that are needed in contemporary corporate America- with holidays in St Tropez and do what we do best- Spend Money and look smart Quintus est Romanus Puer.

I want to have the first glimpse at the future CEO's and President Douchebags so that I can carefully construct my excel sheet crafted by my long time asian tutor to determine who will be the richest or the more P.C term, "most successful" and who is questionably gay so I do not have to sleep with them.

Now, the more serious challenge that comes up is actually getting in.
 Considering that my G.P.A would be appealing only if it were describing the better version of something else, i.e Glitter THerapy two point Oh - this poses a bit of a challenge, but nothing that a few sexomendations by deans and donations to buildings wont fix.

If Elle Woods could get into Harvard by by discussing the merits of The days of Our Lives and impressing them with her Dance moves in Living La Vida Loca
than I cant imagine that HarvowhartonStanfordPennColumbNewSchool will be thrilled with my sunny disposition despite my immense sufferings growing up as a wannabe Park Avenue Heiress who had the means to be a do nothing socialite, but couldnt get her act together.
I plan on changing the business world by throwing Bloomberg and Powerpoint out the window and just doing lunch at Le Bernadin via Skype with China.
See you in the classroom. Ill bring the Veuve.

Diet Pills Poverty and the Jersey Shore

I do not watch the Jersey Shore obviously, as I do not associate with people who are not will bred bilinguals who have wealthy financier parents and have an opinion on whether Aspen or Stein Erikson is better to winter

Also GTL- GYM TAN LAUNDRY? Im vomiting my already vomitted Pinot. This Reeks of a Post Marxist Revolution Society.


GYM- Germ, Communistic, and a homo sexual Hobby. I use my personal trainer slash life coach who I have known since I was 6 who I repeatedly try to bang.

TAN- Not acceptable unless you were in St. Tropez or in the 4 Seasons in Belize. Pale is the color of health and tanned pics of you in your bikini with your bitches makes you look like trashy used up uneducated middle class skanks, and FYI- I see the pre cum leaking out of the bathing suit

LAUNDry- Considering I dont know where the detergent is and if I found it I would use it for suicidal purposes, I do not believe I have to go any further.

BUT SNOOKI, seems to not be fat anymore which peeked my interest slightly. Since she is so hopelessly uneducated US weekly did not even bother to showcase her new healthy outlook on life  of diet pills and intensive cardio workouts of getting into fights in clubs, which would be cool if she had a reason to punch them.
She mentioned in some low grade D list blog that she eats a yogurt and apple and some chicken and diet pills and extensive cardio.
Um. Le. Fucking. Duh. But who is your publicist? You sound like an anorexic retard who is slowly losing brain cells due to lack of sufficient amino acid enzymes. This is why you arent famous.

Ill give it to you, you look awesome even though your breasts are coming out of your bikini and you cant speak english.
But one thing is for sure, thin may be in, but without money class and proper etiquette a High Tier J.P Morgan Partner will gladly take the blow job but not to the company Christmas Party

Confessions 2012

Its hardly a shock that I have been a nit of a naughty girl this year, but I thought I may as well share with you some of the things I have been up to

I use the same coke dealer as selena gomez victoria justice demi lovato miley cyrus and raven, hes one of my best friends

I got botox asian slits

I dry humped my driver

I stole an entire bottle of klonopin from the host's party on New Years at the 4 Seasons

I ate 36 brownies without pot

I keyed my shrink's benz

I got off to my parents having sex

I will forever refuse to pay taxes until there is a flat rate so until then I will keep changing my SS

January Goals

Figure out where the vacuum cleaner is

get a prescription for accutane to snort

get the people who work at the first class british airways to recognize me by name face and have my veuve ready for me

get a job as a camp counselor where the obama girls go as part of my diabolical master ploy to get the GOP back in power

become a B list you tube sensation

befriend more new money families

Q1: New Beginnings where No one knows Im addicted to xanax with a penchant for french films and rich men and have the same dentist as Jay Z

Recently in Foreign policy magazine, (makes me extremely wet)

 there was an article about how Saudi Women are cool with kicking it at home and not being able to drive. Le fucking duh, this is what I  Have been trying to explain to everyone since I started my Arabic pseudo intellectual journey on creating the delusion that I know what the fuck I am talking about.

For those closest to me and my dearest anorexic klonopin dependent readers, know that I had taken some time off due to immensely stressful schedule of trying to be photographed and creating clever facebook titles.whilst on holiday
 I also went to the theater with my dad a lot and practiced my ability to seem well bred at various drinking establishments surrounded by contemporary rich people who pretend to read

.

As the caretaker of the family, I have realized after my arduous creation of rehab hosted by me in my very own home, with a little pinot at lunch, it is time to, (gasp like your're getting fucked by your boss and your mom walks in) start working.

This poses a problem because of my travel schedule to redeem more cultural value to my stock in places like Ibiza, Miami, Vegas, Cannes, Nantucket, St Trop and the Almafi Coast and I have realized that I have to take so many sick days. Persnippity Snaps I can work out an arrangement where I work 3 days a week from 1-3:30 with a lunch break and get a solid pay check that I use for bottle service and luna bars  

2011 its been real but its time to invest in Veuve and Cuban cigars and get RID OF

coconut water
fat assistants
american accents without british inflections
under a dozen passport stamps
yachts in new money families
marijuana dealers that dont take Amex or Euros
gun control
liberals in office
rash hashtagging
marriages without prenups
stained jizz sheets

High New Years Resolution

- spend more time in the spa
-have a boyfriend other than Father
-get fingered by more Family Friends
-get pregnant by a politician
-give better head
- get a new broker
- stop flying commercial
-use  birth  control other than my wiccan spells
-make more high powered intra-racial friends
-rape a sultan
-be taken out to dinner or an intellectual date replete with Proust quotes and sparkling water before sex
-sautee more of my pasta dishes with cocaine
-establish the balance of classy trash talk and minor violence in the club