I am a huge internet troll with impeccable highlights, fake tits, and a pseudo iyv league school education. I use big words and talk about the election and Syria thus making my trolling more than acceptable.
There is nothing I love more than a sincere internet war because thats when the raw kobe no butter beef gets to lay out.
When I was 14 I realized that my therapist had faked her Harvard Medical Degree. At first I was wildly impressed, and then I was sad and then she was fired.
And then I found her ex husband on facebook, friended him and told him if he was sexy. I asked him if he was interested in meeting me in the St. Regis for a drink.
Ghandi says the best Revenge is not needing to act on it, I say the best revenge is becoming step mum to your enemies off spring.
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Asbergers and Manolo Blahnik - Namaste Cunt Ganesha
I recently went on a yoga retreat in Afghanistan so that I would not have to do yoga and could just look for Coke and reflect on the failed war in Iraq.
I went because the yogi leading it was this DJ that I used to do serious meth with in the 90s. Funnily my teeth are fucked up but only because I refuse to brush them as I would rather utilize my calories on Jizz and Hydroxycut.
This druggie turned Yogi was still my squad and even though she was totally lame because she believed in the Higher Power and her fearless immoral inventory. She had a private plane and let me use it as long as I didnt instagram from it. #Whoops
The beef I have with Yoga is I have too much aspergers to be that coordinated. I have a lot of questions about the poses, I want to do repeats of the Ohms. and I simply cannot deal with the women who do not own their posers identities as I see them chainsmoking to and from class whilst gossiping on their phones.
I imagine Ganesha would also consider them cunts. On the plus side my Arabic got phenom.
See you at the St. Regis
He wasnt man Enough for Me (My Boss - Barack Obama- My Dad)
Every woman I know wants to blow their boss, this of course is the natural pre disposition of biology that women were innately born with. "How can I do as little as possible to avoid work, except for course to use my sexuality to validate my self worth".
What happens of course when your boss is A taken, B, Gay. C. A raging alcoholic who beats his GF and makes under 250K so cant buy her a Rolex or all d'above?
One can of course adorn themselves in Shop lifted Jean Peal Gaultier Giorgio Armani Norma Kamali Lingerie, replete with very sexy for her Victoria's Secret Perfume,
But is one to do when all of these tried and true seduction techniques that have worked since freshman year at Choate when you gave your latin Teacher your virginity to get out of translating Virgil, fail?
You could of course do your work, but when would that leave you time to chainsmoke with the janitors to practice your Spanish and validate your street cred as you fux with folks of all walks of life.
Im left with the conclusion that he simply was not man Enough For me.
What happens of course when your boss is A taken, B, Gay. C. A raging alcoholic who beats his GF and makes under 250K so cant buy her a Rolex or all d'above?
One can of course adorn themselves in Shop lifted Jean Peal Gaultier Giorgio Armani Norma Kamali Lingerie, replete with very sexy for her Victoria's Secret Perfume,
But is one to do when all of these tried and true seduction techniques that have worked since freshman year at Choate when you gave your latin Teacher your virginity to get out of translating Virgil, fail?
You could of course do your work, but when would that leave you time to chainsmoke with the janitors to practice your Spanish and validate your street cred as you fux with folks of all walks of life.
Im left with the conclusion that he simply was not man Enough For me.
Friday, April 22, 2016
Dont Fuck your Boss on the first Day and other Corporate Donts
Don't talk about your therapist
Don't talk about Euros
Don't talk about scheduling
Don't talk about fraud
Don't talk about your body
Don't talk about moisture
Don't talk about sweat
Don't Talk about your divorce
Don't talk about the toilet
Don't talk about Rothko or Matisse
Don't talk about Printers
Don't talk about Euros
Don't talk about scheduling
Don't talk about fraud
Don't talk about your body
Don't talk about moisture
Don't talk about sweat
Don't Talk about your divorce
Don't talk about the toilet
Don't talk about Rothko or Matisse
Don't talk about Printers
Dont You Just Love Prince, More than Life it self.
Prince was one of my dearest friends and his death was particularly troubling to me because we were so close;
I also helped him write Purple Rain and suggested to Director Gary Marshall to have Julia Roberts sing Kiss in the tub before Richard Gere gives her cash to go shopping #Goals.
It was a love story how the best ones start out. It was 1998 and we met in the waiting lounge on the Concord. I was 15 years old and with my 2nd Arab Boyfriend who now runs a small terrorist mergers and acquisitions firm off the Coast Of Pakistan.
He looked at me and said hey Pretty Girl, Im loving your beat up Chanel Bag and your unbrushed hair and your questionable blood all over your bod.
"Michael Jackson" I asked?
Remember, I do not recognize any artists except for Puccinni and Lupe Fiasco
I was carrying my ocelot with an Hermes leash which I leash, whom I stroked awkwardly when I realized I had erred.
"No!
Im Prince" he said,
I gave him my ocelot and a valium so he could relax on the plane. We talked for hours about literature and Kant and Transcendental realism.
#Rip #GodBless
I also helped him write Purple Rain and suggested to Director Gary Marshall to have Julia Roberts sing Kiss in the tub before Richard Gere gives her cash to go shopping #Goals.
It was a love story how the best ones start out. It was 1998 and we met in the waiting lounge on the Concord. I was 15 years old and with my 2nd Arab Boyfriend who now runs a small terrorist mergers and acquisitions firm off the Coast Of Pakistan.
He looked at me and said hey Pretty Girl, Im loving your beat up Chanel Bag and your unbrushed hair and your questionable blood all over your bod.
"Michael Jackson" I asked?
Remember, I do not recognize any artists except for Puccinni and Lupe Fiasco
I was carrying my ocelot with an Hermes leash which I leash, whom I stroked awkwardly when I realized I had erred.
"No!
Im Prince" he said,
I gave him my ocelot and a valium so he could relax on the plane. We talked for hours about literature and Kant and Transcendental realism.
#Rip #GodBless
Friday is a great day to Masturbate to Your Stock Portfolio
Friday is a great day to
consume sawdust and tuna tartare
draw watercolors
chain-smoke outside Goldman Sachs
Vomit all of Your meals at the Equinox in Tribeca
Become on a first name Basis with the Maitre D at Raos and Le Bernadin
Go on a Consultation for a boob job with the hopes of getting your plastic surgeon to suck your tits.
consume sawdust and tuna tartare
draw watercolors
chain-smoke outside Goldman Sachs
Vomit all of Your meals at the Equinox in Tribeca
Become on a first name Basis with the Maitre D at Raos and Le Bernadin
Go on a Consultation for a boob job with the hopes of getting your plastic surgeon to suck your tits.
Venmo is better than Instagram and other Pellegrino sparklers of facts
I love your Kelvin filtered Kylie esque selfies with the same number of likes as the amount of folks who matriculated your graduating class at harvard westlake as much as the next person.
But like Melanie Trump probably thinks everyday, I am over your face and into your cash flow:
Venmo showcases the status of relationships.
I always evilly laugh hysterically when I see women venmo-ing their boyfriends as this is a clear indication that they give terrible head.
To solve this issue. I recco taking a valium to loosen the jaw, taking a big poop right before, and opening your mouth as if you are receiving as many hundred dollar bills as you can fit in your mouth.
I am also highly amused by where folks are giving and getting their money from; and could spend hours trolling through the newsfeed. I remember tho I did get into a fight with Venmo security.
It was 2015 and it was cold. I needed some marijuana to get stoned and listen to Erika Badyu so I could fuck my husband. I went on Craigslist to look for weed and found this Hispanic who told me to meet him Old Saint Nicolas Avenue in between Modell's and Duane Reade.
Needless to say when I got into my uber I realized he provided me with Basil Leaves after I venmo-ed him several 10s of the late immigrant Alexander Hamilton. I immediately called Venmo and explained that my drug dealer stiffed me with basil leaves.
Luckily the Venmo customer service was chill and was a failed surfer and told me that while I could not get my money back hooked me up with some Fed Exed California Weed.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Tinder Date Topics
Who can beat Hillary? Teddy or Donnie?
dreams to own a dolphin
The last time you received Road Head
Your use of the corporate credit card
Your experiences in Court or on Patrick McMullan
Monet
Your perfect saturday; must include interactions with First Republic Bank
How long your divorce lasts;
Your friend's prenups
Your religion involving hard core christianity coupled with spiritual meditation drumming practices
obscure porn
Glitter Therapy and Life Coach Breakup
I am all for unprofessional relationships. It was Jesus who said "If you bring forth what is within you you will bring forth what will save you" After all, I get bikini waxes with my tax attorney and videotaped my later mother masturbating as a 10th anniversary gift to my stepfather.
Life is about crossing those boundaries into the abyss of the sub-extraordinary into a land of caviar fast cars laughter and sheer weirdness. Nothing scares me more than a subscription to Redbook magazine followed by a "Hi Honey How was your day- lets go to bed and not have sex because you are so turned off by my cesarian scar and botched lipo from 1985"
No. Lets go to a Racy Rich Couple Sex Tantric Sex club where we ignite the fire and fuck in a sophisticated dirty Kate Middleton meets $1000 dollar Client 9 hooker who has a side gig in Les Miserables Anal, a French porn.
But I digress, Back to No Boundaries with my Staff.
It is no secret that in order to function; I require a highly trained group of poorly trained individuals with no degrees to speak of or are not recognized as any real western medicine Exhibit psychic, medium, healer, and Recovery Coach.
I hired Recovery Coach to take me shopping, to Barrys Bootcamp, and to remind me to vomit when I ate too much of the Soho House Berlin Brunch Menu.
She fit the picture as a pseudo sober pseudo born again Christian with Fake tits and an unlimited bank account that she never failed to remind me of. Alas, I also hired her to be my friend, as naturally I hate all my friends.
The best relationships are those that are paid, so why not pay someone to tell you that you are better than everyone else because everyone else is suffering in their delusional ignorance of not facing critical issues.
We had worked together for 9 years and even took a holiday together in Bali. I decided to go on a date with her ex-husband and fuck her psychiatrist whom she was also blowing in exchange for endorsements in American Psychology Today which did not sit well with her. But because she is not a well bred park Avenue private school educated top shelf drinking aspen skiier celine carrying cunt, and more white trash 2nd runner up in Pageants thrice divorced call girl who got fired from Chanel during Paris fashion week, she broke up with me in the most disgusting unprofessional means as possible.
Not only did she lock me out of her mansion during the torrential downpour of Hurricane Princess Elaine, she told me that my younger self and blossoming career was threatening her and she couldnt stand to be in the same room as someone with such spiritual and authentic energy on the brink of Great success.
Naturally I wrote a letter to the Board of Recovery Coaches that exists in Emerald City asking that her license be revoked and wrote a letter to Dartmouth where her daughter is applying indicating that I had documented footage that she hired someone to take her SATS.
See you at the St. Regis Bitch.
Life is about crossing those boundaries into the abyss of the sub-extraordinary into a land of caviar fast cars laughter and sheer weirdness. Nothing scares me more than a subscription to Redbook magazine followed by a "Hi Honey How was your day- lets go to bed and not have sex because you are so turned off by my cesarian scar and botched lipo from 1985"
No. Lets go to a Racy Rich Couple Sex Tantric Sex club where we ignite the fire and fuck in a sophisticated dirty Kate Middleton meets $1000 dollar Client 9 hooker who has a side gig in Les Miserables Anal, a French porn.
But I digress, Back to No Boundaries with my Staff.
It is no secret that in order to function; I require a highly trained group of poorly trained individuals with no degrees to speak of or are not recognized as any real western medicine Exhibit psychic, medium, healer, and Recovery Coach.
I hired Recovery Coach to take me shopping, to Barrys Bootcamp, and to remind me to vomit when I ate too much of the Soho House Berlin Brunch Menu.
She fit the picture as a pseudo sober pseudo born again Christian with Fake tits and an unlimited bank account that she never failed to remind me of. Alas, I also hired her to be my friend, as naturally I hate all my friends.
The best relationships are those that are paid, so why not pay someone to tell you that you are better than everyone else because everyone else is suffering in their delusional ignorance of not facing critical issues.
We had worked together for 9 years and even took a holiday together in Bali. I decided to go on a date with her ex-husband and fuck her psychiatrist whom she was also blowing in exchange for endorsements in American Psychology Today which did not sit well with her. But because she is not a well bred park Avenue private school educated top shelf drinking aspen skiier celine carrying cunt, and more white trash 2nd runner up in Pageants thrice divorced call girl who got fired from Chanel during Paris fashion week, she broke up with me in the most disgusting unprofessional means as possible.
Not only did she lock me out of her mansion during the torrential downpour of Hurricane Princess Elaine, she told me that my younger self and blossoming career was threatening her and she couldnt stand to be in the same room as someone with such spiritual and authentic energy on the brink of Great success.
Naturally I wrote a letter to the Board of Recovery Coaches that exists in Emerald City asking that her license be revoked and wrote a letter to Dartmouth where her daughter is applying indicating that I had documented footage that she hired someone to take her SATS.
See you at the St. Regis Bitch.
I don't mean to brag but I have health insurance and Donald Trump and I use to have sex in my hotel Room
Since I tell everyone everything and haven't kept a secret since the Monica Lewinsky scandal when she swore me to secrecy and I took my jealousy out on demising our friendship and told Kenneth Star everything in West Hampton in the jacuzzi over martini's and cigars. I also gave him a blow job but his penis was so small that I nearly swallowed it. He still paid for it and then gave me glitter pens to color with.
This was before Donald Trump was potentially the leader of the Free World of God's Green Earth. He was on the Apprentice and it was during my audition.
This was before Donald Trump was potentially the leader of the Free World of God's Green Earth. He was on the Apprentice and it was during my audition.
Alex Hamilton Review; The American Psycho Musical
Im as cultured as a thoroughbred cunt so naturally I attend the theatre and the opera thrice monthly on adderal without showering.
The theatre used to be a dark art only for those who went to Private School and were raised skiing in Aspen with Jamaican nannies.
My father made me read the book since we are Ivy League Harvard Business graduates if you do not count myself, so I hired my Korean tutor to read it to me since I was too busy picking a choice Throwback Thursday and coloring in my chic adult coloring book for girls with bulimia and anxiety.
The show has become a bit of a Cult and no one loves a Cult more than I do especially one that worships black rappers singing about money not as an instrument for getting bitches but as a means to become the strongest Nation other than St.. Tropez. As a well bred Republican I consider the founding Fathers constitution the foundation of our great nation aside from Ronnie.
I truly related to Angelica Skyler re: oldest wittiest social climbing sister, Thomas Jefferson not interested in fighting in the Rev, getting high with the French, maintaining slavery, and avoiding taxes.
The costumes were a little less Elizabeth Taymor and a little bit more Betsy Johnson Interns.
I want to be in the Room where it happens indeed.
The theatre used to be a dark art only for those who went to Private School and were raised skiing in Aspen with Jamaican nannies.
My father made me read the book since we are Ivy League Harvard Business graduates if you do not count myself, so I hired my Korean tutor to read it to me since I was too busy picking a choice Throwback Thursday and coloring in my chic adult coloring book for girls with bulimia and anxiety.
The show has become a bit of a Cult and no one loves a Cult more than I do especially one that worships black rappers singing about money not as an instrument for getting bitches but as a means to become the strongest Nation other than St.. Tropez. As a well bred Republican I consider the founding Fathers constitution the foundation of our great nation aside from Ronnie.
I truly related to Angelica Skyler re: oldest wittiest social climbing sister, Thomas Jefferson not interested in fighting in the Rev, getting high with the French, maintaining slavery, and avoiding taxes.
The costumes were a little less Elizabeth Taymor and a little bit more Betsy Johnson Interns.
I want to be in the Room where it happens indeed.
Were Back
Ive heard from most of my fans and followers that I should cease the act of writing a book and commit to this forum instead to showcase my thoughts. My argument was how then do I make money as independent woman whilst still siphoning funds from the pope and using the corporate credit card For bras that say Im a Cunt and for European Porn?
Alas, the truth is lets be real, like Ronald Reagan Im simply not that good of a writer, but have strong Republican Values and said what needs to be said.
Like a sect of Mormonism, Im back. And like an orgasm from a sibling it feels so good.
Alas, the truth is lets be real, like Ronald Reagan Im simply not that good of a writer, but have strong Republican Values and said what needs to be said.
Like a sect of Mormonism, Im back. And like an orgasm from a sibling it feels so good.
My Best Friends 2nd Wedding
My 27-year-old brunette Waspy Republican Connecticut born Middlebury graduate cunt of a best friend just got engaged for the second time.
She told me while we were snorting lines at the Soho House on the side of the pool looking towards the Standard where security is facing the opposite direction. The sky was pink and the air was brisk to the point that it made my nipples hard. When she told me she was engaged, I knocked the cocaine in the pool and punched her nose job in the nose and madeout with her. She is my dearest after all.
The first time she got married it was her junior year abroad in the West Indies where she married a Rastafarian because she was so high. She got pregnant and had a partial birth abortion; the feces and placenta; and blood were mediums which I completed my final Art final project at Riss Dee called Waspy Marijuana to which I received critical applause and a write-up in the observer that suggested I should be shot.
Granted the writer of the article has a small dick and likes to dress up in his mother's fake Manolo Blahnik's God Bless his heart.
She told her parents to go fuck themselves and her trust fund before she realized that she needed money to be happy and when her Rasta boyfriend insisted on putting pieces of coconut up her vagina.
She soon divorced him and apologized to her parents; threw out her Bacarrat Bong and her Dreadlocks by Fredrick Fekkai and married a wealthy mulato tech executive indirectly related to the White side of Halle Berry.
He was divorced with a small child, smoked cigars, funded meaningless charities, donated 250K to the 92nd Street Y after he was caught with a hooker in the bathroom before his kid's parent teacher conference.
She told me while we were snorting lines at the Soho House on the side of the pool looking towards the Standard where security is facing the opposite direction. The sky was pink and the air was brisk to the point that it made my nipples hard. When she told me she was engaged, I knocked the cocaine in the pool and punched her nose job in the nose and madeout with her. She is my dearest after all.
The first time she got married it was her junior year abroad in the West Indies where she married a Rastafarian because she was so high. She got pregnant and had a partial birth abortion; the feces and placenta; and blood were mediums which I completed my final Art final project at Riss Dee called Waspy Marijuana to which I received critical applause and a write-up in the observer that suggested I should be shot.
Granted the writer of the article has a small dick and likes to dress up in his mother's fake Manolo Blahnik's God Bless his heart.
She told her parents to go fuck themselves and her trust fund before she realized that she needed money to be happy and when her Rasta boyfriend insisted on putting pieces of coconut up her vagina.
She soon divorced him and apologized to her parents; threw out her Bacarrat Bong and her Dreadlocks by Fredrick Fekkai and married a wealthy mulato tech executive indirectly related to the White side of Halle Berry.
He was divorced with a small child, smoked cigars, funded meaningless charities, donated 250K to the 92nd Street Y after he was caught with a hooker in the bathroom before his kid's parent teacher conference.
Friday, March 18, 2016
The night is Young and So is My step Mom
Like most anti social alcoholic bulimic slutty well bred ivy league young women with slutty dispositions and questionable relationships with their drug dealers, I made my way towards the Young Fellows Frick Ball. I have been on the Board since the Reagan Administration when I was a 3rd Grader at Harvard West Lake.
It is incredibly meaningful cause to raise money for the Museum celebrating rich old dead white guys filled with women who don't know Matisse from Monet or Cocaine from Rat Poison but would put your Father's stock portfolio to shame.
I went under my Alias Arabella Von Chapmunchausen in the attempt to dry hump a low tier Morgan Stanley executive, steal his iPhone to venmo myself a few multi milly to purchase an Uber Jet and look at a house I saw on Air B in B in St Tropez.
The party was more boring than the Republican Debates without Donald T. but at least I mixed my la mer with my cocaine for an interesting texture mixture that Got me high, made me vomit my laxatives and moisturized my skin making it as dewy as my step toddlers cheeks.
It is incredibly meaningful cause to raise money for the Museum celebrating rich old dead white guys filled with women who don't know Matisse from Monet or Cocaine from Rat Poison but would put your Father's stock portfolio to shame.
I went under my Alias Arabella Von Chapmunchausen in the attempt to dry hump a low tier Morgan Stanley executive, steal his iPhone to venmo myself a few multi milly to purchase an Uber Jet and look at a house I saw on Air B in B in St Tropez.
The party was more boring than the Republican Debates without Donald T. but at least I mixed my la mer with my cocaine for an interesting texture mixture that Got me high, made me vomit my laxatives and moisturized my skin making it as dewy as my step toddlers cheeks.
Keef Halik - That means Whats up In Arabic, and I know this because Im fluent, and I also ski #WasRaisedBetterthanYou
Alas - Im back. I took a short Hiatus in the Swiss Alps where I was helping a few Parisians hide from the ISIS attack, but since they have been caught I have returned to my pied a terre off the coast of Cote D'Azur de Murray Hill.
Whilst I was there I made great new friends, improved my Arabic, and indulged in several rape fantasies that included light bondage and vanilla smoothies from the Jamba Juice.
Whilst I was there I made great new friends, improved my Arabic, and indulged in several rape fantasies that included light bondage and vanilla smoothies from the Jamba Juice.
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